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You Might Be a Nudist If …

Below is an excerpt from AANR President John Kinman’s President’s Podium column that will appear in the February issue of The Bulletin.

While nude recreation and nude travel opportunities have grown a great deal over the past several years, we are still mostly a boutique business compared with large textile resorts with greater economies of scale.  If you’re willing to pay more to wear less, you could be a nudist. 

I’ve heard of some other descriptions of nudist travelers.  With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy and his comedy routine, “You might be a redneck,” I offer the following:


  • You spend a great weekend at a nudist resort and are almost to the exit gate when you realize that you forgot to get dressed. 


  • You sign up to a time share presentation, take the free gift, and when shown the other resorts you could trade for ask, “Which ones allow me to be nude?”


  • You start to walk out of your RV in the morning naked and, for a moment, need to verify that you aren’t staying at a KOA. 


  • You are never without a towel.


  • You choose an upstairs room at a hotel with an interior hallway so that your window curtains can be left open and still allow you to be nude. 


  • When checking in to the Holiday Inn you ask, “What are the clothing-optional hours for the pool and spa?”


  • At home, you keep a robe by your front door.


  • You buy a velcro waist band to hold tennis balls. 


  • You can actually identify with this list.



Leave a comment to add to this list.

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38 Responses to You Might Be a Nudist If …

  1. trsquare says:

    Your adult children call before they come over. Not to see if you’re home, but to make sure you’re dressed before they bring their friends. (First time I met my future daughter-in-law, my son forgot to call. Thankfully, she already knew we were nudists.)

  2. Jack & Betty says:

    Your spouse says, I don`t care where we vacation next year, but it better be in the nude.

  3. Minnie Carr says:

    You get excited when you find a phone case that have Velcro so u can keep your cell phone with you.

  4. John A says:

    You own more towels than any one item of clothing

  5. John A says:

    You travel frequently yet have very few vacation photos

  6. Randy Savage says:

    Your stress level and your clothing drop in the same proportion.

  7. Reyna A. says:

    At home, after a weekend at a resort, as you wake up, you have to think twice whether you should be dressed or not.

  8. J Ward says:

    You buy a house in sunny and warm Florida with empty lots around it.
    Then put up a big fence around the pool, and advise the neighbors to not look over the fence if they don’t want any shocks.

  9. Alex Amsterdam says:

    You are a nudist when you remain totally relaxed when some one drives up to your cottage and finds you nude without any clothes in sight.

  10. Peg Button says:

    You have a sign on your RV door that says “WARNING: Bare Boobs and Buns Inside”, when you’re at a camp in mundania!

  11. Richard Granucci says:

    – When cooking at home, although necessary, you refuse the apron and just stand farther away from the stove…but, it doesn’t help and you just live with the human experience 😀

    – You and your [participating] friends and relatives always talk about how you’ll be ‘there’ next weekend, but don’t always mention it by name

    – Your license plate says “IH8CLOZ” 😉 and ya’ don’t care who knows

  12. JR says:

    You forget your swimsuit when you leave on vacation, but when you get home realize you never needed it. Your all over tan looks great.

  13. Nelson C says:

    It’s 55 degrees outside, but you turn up the heater to 75 so you can leave your sweat suit in the closet.

  14. Bruce Miller says:

    You stop wearing pants all together. And wear kilts and sarongs when one must wear something. Just to keep the feeling of freedom.

  15. Bob Christensen says:

    Your laundry hamper contains only towels & sheets.

  16. Mike4Freedom says:

    You don’t even own any bathing suits or pajamas.

  17. Burton Sachs says:

    If you wear a t-shirt,as I do, to your gym when working out that says “I LOOK BETTER NAKED”

  18. Bernie Berland says:

    One thing a nudist should always wear – A SMILE! It’s the inner beauty that counts.

  19. Christine Johnson says:

    When you continually ask yourself at work , “When the hell can I get home so I can be REALLY comfortable?!!”

    When your teenage daughter has discovered it’s really is more comfortable to sleep the way we were meant to sleep: nekked!!!

    When you spend the weekend at a “clothes free” resort and resent the fact that you have to put back on your clothes before you leave!!

  20. Eric Flak says:

    You forget to get undressed after coming inside, and then accidentally start getting UNdressed before going back out (Duck season/Rabbit season).

    When you go on a trip, you do most of your packing in the bathroom (Towels? Check . . . Toothbrush? Check . . .).

    You don’t check luggage.

  21. george says:

    You have a nervous breakdown when you see the pictures of what the storm did to Sandy Hook beach, the nude beach in NJ…and PRAY the state has the money to put it all back together by summer!!

  22. Without thinking you start to undress as soon as you close the door to your apartment or house…and you don’t look for any replacement clothes to put on!

  23. You have a sign on your front door that says
    “If you don’t want to see me naked don’t ring the bell.”

  24. Charlie says:

    We might all still be nudist if Adam and Eve hadn’t eaten from the Tree of Knowledge and realized their shame of standing before God in the nude.

    • Gary says:

      But God made them naked, and never suggested being naked was shameful. That was entirely THEIR idea. They were guilty, and apparently shifted their guilt into the physical realm and decided they needed to cover up from God.

  25. kerry keel says:

    You consider nude to be normal dress.

  26. Sharron says:

    Your cabin is named Northern Exposure with Papa Bare and Nudilocks. And, you don’t notice your friends visiting are nude until somebody points it out. Really?

  27. Rick says:

    Your underwear drawer has only towels in it.

    You don’t cook bacon because you would have to get dressed to do that.

    You retired from your high stress job and became the maintenance man at the friendliest AANR park in the world.

  28. Dave says:

    While boarding a flight to Florida, you cause suspicion at the airport because your carry-on contains only towels.

  29. Jim Bowen says:

    You go to a textile beach and momentairly catch yourself about to drop your swimsuit.

  30. Bob Weil says:

    You go to the kitchen to get your morning cup of coffee (nude)and you realize you have guest from up north

  31. Alan says:

    You begin to strip down at the TSA security check point because after the shoebomber we all have to take our shoes off soo after the underwear bomber…

  32. Rick says:

    You buy sunscreen by the gallon!

  33. Chris says:

    You find tan lines extremely unattractive.

  34. ama3 says:

    you might be a redneck nudist if your tattoos cover more of your body than tan lines


    Keenly anticipating the imminent arrival of your spouse from work, you hear a car door close outside and rush to open the front door. Without donning a bathrobe, you fling the door open and are greeted by the astonished/appraising stare of a pizza delivery guy who has come to the wrong house. You are NOT embarrassed. Yar!

  36. Rocky R says:

    Your neighbors all know you go out to the street to get the mail and newspaper nude

  37. Mac says:

    When wearing socks to bed to keep your feet warm on a cold winter night seems constricting.

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